Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Learning to Be

I have never felt liked I belonged anywhere. When I was younger, I thought this Gypsy mentality was cool. A Will of the Wisp kinda butterfly of a gal. This restlessness has led me down many paths and to many realtionships but never has it brought me home to me.How do we find our way to ourselves, to authenticity? When you're young this is a wonderful journey, although at the time it mightn't seem that way. But as you get older you should start making a home, a little nest. I don't know how to do this.Don't get me wrong, my home is lovely.My son is starting high school.I actually make money writing. I have a great boyfriend but I'm not home and I don't know where to look anymore-- unless maybe, it's inward.I guess this is the key.
Sometimes I think home is a person.At other times I think home lies in our own hearts in our ability to love ourselves and nurture ourselves.I keep thinking one day I'll find a little dot on the map and know without a doubt, this is where I belong.I don't know.I just know that for the next four high school years, I'm right here. What's the old adage?"No matter where you go , there you are." It always makes me laugh because here I am,at then end of the one road and the start of a new journey. The begininng of me,being still and becoming and hopefully finding my way home.Whatever that means.

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